I’m not much of one for re-reading books. In fact, there’s only been one book (other than the Bible), that I’ve read more than once - “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge.
Over the last week, I read “Kill the Spider” by Carlos Whittaker. It wrecked me like I haven’t been since I specifically prayed, “God, wreck me,” about five years ago, shortly before I went on a missions trip to Belize and Guatemala. As a side note, that’s a dangerous prayer with an incredible outcome, but you better be sure that’s what you want before you pray it.
I normally go to a coffee shop about an hour before I go into the office. For three days this week, I read this book while I was there, and for three days I fought tears. Because, let’s face it, who wants to see that in a coffee shop.
Last night, Kim and I went out to dinner and she asked me if I was okay. My response - “I don’t know. I think so. But I feel a bit off and I’m not sure why.” This morning, I finished the book, again fighting tears at a coffee shop. And I understand now why I’ve been feeling the way I do.
In the book, Carlos talks about being in a “good season” and what God was showing him. This specific part struck me today: “It was good. We were good. But God was still poking me, not letting me get comfortable, telling me, ‘There is more, my son!’ So much more.”
Life is good, yet here I am, feeling “off.” And this is a big part of why - there’s so much more God wants to show me. It would be easy to get comfortable in this season, and I have in the past. And in a weird way, I don’t want to be comfortable and God won’t let me. Not right now. Long term comfort leads to stagnation and I want to grow more than I want to be comfortable.
I’m in a good season. I’m in a growing season. I’m not a comfortable season. And this is a book I will be reading again.